I have spent the last few hours reading erotic blogs on the web. Some are ones that I’ve followed for a very very long time. Some I have just discovered. Some I have corresponded with the authors, some I still do. All inform and/or inspire me in some way. And that makes my journey a little more difficult sometimes. My mind shimmers with the desire to be a perfect doll for my Mistress, to be a plaything for her – and for those others she allows to play with me. Yet at the same time, the deeper I go along this path, the more I find myself wondering if, perhaps, I am mistaken? Is it that perfect bimbo barbie doll that i wish to be? And, even more surprisingly, where did my sudden desire to play the ‘kitty’ for my Mistress come from? I was as shocked and surprised to find that inner persona rise up as she was!

Or, maybe it is simply that jounrye to slutticity that I seek permission to follow.  Ther are, I am very aware, very few real female sluts. Oh there ar those that play at it, and write wonderful fiction; but few women are the real deal. I am fortunate in that I am in regualr email conversation with one, and she is a wondeerfully generous woman with her time and thoughts and energies – and not just as a slut, but as a caring human being too.  So, I sit here now and I wonder. And of course, though I haven’t done so for a very long time, I love to write. I love to linger over the sweet silky feel of great prose and ride the emotions of sublime poetry. I love literature, and words, and the erotic nature and atmosphere they can induce. Aye, there’s the rub.

And I wonder too, whether it is possible to ever remove the personality that is me? Or is that something that will, perhaps, simply be subjugated to other needs and desires, not least my Mistress?

I am thinking too much. Not a good sign, and one that may result in repercussions when I next talk with my Mistress…..